The Truth about „Independence Day“

Some time ago I „promised“ to explain what really happened in Roland Emmerich’s „Independence Day“. Actually this was only a joke… but a friend of mine encouraged me to really think over what was going on in this shit of a movie.

Well… the story is told fast, cause there ain‘t any. Aliens, Jeff Goldblum, Will Smith, „Welcome to Earth!“, >>BOOOOM< <, Aliens in mothership, computer virus, "HAHAHAHA", >>BOOOOM AGAIN< <, Jeff Goldblum and Will Smith smoking, THE END. If you missed this movie, lucky you. So who are this aliens, what do they want on earth?

I think they are just a bunch of (and here it comes) Mutant Raccons from the future. They evolved, developed bio-mechanic suites (what a shit). One day they got bored and thought, „Why not fly around time and space, destroy some planets, kill some intelligent life forms and become the rulers of the universe!“ Unfortunatly there was a match of space soccer on Space Channel 5 (*haha*). So they forgot about this until the next week. It was raining so the weekly games were canceled. They launched into space, opened a time vortex and arrived in the Milky Way in the year 1996. Accidently it was short before July 4th. The Mutant Raccoon leader decided to attack all big cities of earth just for fun. He had lost a game of interstellar mini-golf against the Klihngon chancelor the day before so he was really pissed. They started to bomb away thousands and thousand of humans, and got bored again. The royal Mutant Raccoon prostitute had just quit and was on duty in the Andromeda galaxy. So all the officers of the MR Army were playing Pong. Nobody knows it but Pong originally was invented by the Mutant Raccoons from the future. But we‘ll come back to that later.

Unfortunatly the humans found out about the countdown, found the weak points of the space ships and implanted an evil computer virus programmed by a Jewish into the mothership. Now the humans were the leader of the known universe again. Except for one little alien shuttle, that managed to open a small time vortex and landed about 50 years ago in New Mexico. There the crew was found, one of them powerless, the rest dead. All of them were put into a strange tube with a weird liquid. The only surviver, let’s call him Bill, put himself into a deep hibernation. In the first year, almost everyday people come around to see the Alien Mutant Raccoons from the future. But after a short period of time nobody came to see them anymore. Until Bills own race attacks the planet. He finally gets taken out, his suite is opened and he wakes up, kills all the scientists and talks to the president. Even though he is standing in front of non-bulletproof glass, he doesn‘t break through and eventually gets shot by a bodyguard. His old ship is used against the mothership. And here is the clue. Onboard there also was a first installment of Pong. The scientists in New Mexico took it away, founded Atari and made much money with the first Pong homevideogames. You may ask, why they waited like 30 years until they released. They were smart, people in the early 50ies were not capable of understanding a high-tech application. So they had to keep it in the background.

That’s it, this is what really happened in „Independence Day“. And not the silly shit, you thought.

OK… were’s my medicine? No, I don‘t think I will take it today. I feel fine without it. Don‘t you think so, too?

Gonna wrap this up, see you next time, when I tell you what really happened in:

MARRY POPPINS

*argh* Bullsh*t

Follow the little red UFO!!!

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